Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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