by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
