I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
