Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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