thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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