he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
