But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
