I will die if light touches me.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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