dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
