Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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