You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize