you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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