Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she looked like the before picture.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
