I wanna passion pit in your ass
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
