I just made out with a guy for $7.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
