hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
