What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
