Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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