youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
