i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
