From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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