@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
