Got a toothbrush?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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