dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
