I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
