My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
