I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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