I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
