Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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