I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
