so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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