I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
