Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
