this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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