My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
