I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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