So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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