I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
