im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Bring me that man meat
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
