apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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