I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
