My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
