Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
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She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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