My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
