She is in my trunk
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
