The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
youre lurking in front of me
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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