I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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