I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
