Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
