I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
