First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
