my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
