well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
