I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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