did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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