im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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