Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
