Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
