OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
