yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
