So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she told me i tasted like america
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
