do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
