I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
