i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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