Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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