Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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