So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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