i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
