I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
