Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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