Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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