hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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