Just fell off a train. Bad.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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