he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
