She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
