she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
