Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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