i think my tv is drunk
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
