So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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