Moan for me like Helen Keller
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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