he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize